Your clients may be talking about resilience. Mine certainly are. It seems like the word of the moment.
It makes sense why. The never-ending pandemic, the tottering economy and the political sideshow in the U.S. have stretched us all thin. Clients and their workplaces continue to be disrupted and uncertain. It’s a big drain!
But, how do your clients refill and recharge themselves to maintain their resiliency? The answer: an intentional focus on their Core Needs. And, you have the perfect way to help them.
Remember that our Core Needs are the “fuel” that powers us around. So, when we are “running on empty,” it’s because one or more of our “tanks” is low.
For so many, the rapid changes have meant that your clients’ usual ways to get their Core Needs met aren’t working or available them. Without intentional shifting to find alternatives, your client begin to burn. Many clients are reaching that unsustainable stage of “It’s-been-too-long-and-its-not-getting-better-soon.”
Your clients need you to help them, now!
Core Needs are the Cornerstone of Resilience
Clients must know their Core Needs before they can assess where they need new energy and how to remedy the drain. Coach them…
- Use the Top Ten panel and the accompanying Core Needs with every client to ensure they have the foundation for resilience.
- Have the client take a “snapshot” of how full each of those Core Needs “tanks” are right now
- Help your client design New Activities they can use immediately to “put some fuel back in their tanks”
Remember, too, that Core Needs coaching work is scalable through using the four-hour Core Needs Navigator virtual workshop. You can download the PowerPoint for the program in the Files and Resources section of the Member’s Area.
Resilience requires a shift in the patterns of thinking our clients need to make in order to maintain a mindset that is resourceful and help them get through challenges.
Reframing helps the client make that shift.
The Reframing Wheel is a great coaching tool you can use to help your client discover the most useful, energizing and motivating reframe of a negative or defeating thought.
Here are some reframing resources you can use with your clients…
What was the last goal you completed and when did you complete it?
Was it yesterday, last week, last month, or almost never ago? For many people, goals are the central focus in making things happen. For others, goals are elusive and impossible to set because the myriad of possibilities becomes overwhelming.
Our goals actually say a lot about us.
We all operate with a unique personal internal system (our “software”, if you will) that drives the results that we create. We go through life repeating patterns of thinking and behavior again and again. Much of the time we are not even aware of these patterns. Yet, they drive the results we get, both the ones we want and the ones we do not.
This is where the goals come in. Goals provide a vision or roadmap to attain what we seek. They are useful targets that drive achievement. They also provide a way to reveal some of our patterns that make a difference in how quickly or easily we get where we want to be.
A Case in Point: Nicole
Nicole, a professional woman in her mid 30’s, is successful, driven and result-oriented. Goals are the air she breathes. Priding herself on always attaining her goals, she can be obsessed even maniacal on a daily basis about checking off everything she sets out to accomplish for the day. Is this good or bad? It depends. Is it giving her the results she really wants? She wants success. However, she also wants balance and rich relationships.
In talking with Nicole we discovered that behind her goals are two internal patterns of belief that say to her “If you don’t achieve (or overachieve) every goal, you are a failure,” and “Don’t set a goal unless you intend to achieve it.” These beliefs have been useful to her in getting her to where she is in her career and her life.
These same patterns work against her when it comes to balance and relationships. Her belief about failure limits her flexibility in her family life with her husband and young son. She feels trapped between competing priorities –– work demands and time with her family. She makes choices between the two all the time but she never feels good about it. And, it all ties back to her assessment that if she elects not to complete a specific goal, she has failed. This is the source of the pressure she feels.
Her belief that you shouldn’t set a goal unless you intend to achieve it is a source of friction with her husband. In his internal system, creating more possibilities is always better. He wants to explore ideas, keep things open and try many paths in order to get what he wants. This works for him. As you can imagine, Nicole finds this difficult because exploring any path means making a commitment to completing it. There is no such thing as “multiple options” for her.
Nicole’s beliefs in this situation are not good or bad. They create certain results and limit others. The key is that she has more choices than her internal system is currently allowing. For instance, she could choose to believe “I can achieve my goals with a flexible approach” which is actually true based on her past history. She can also believe “My success comes from not only what I do but who I am.” Replacing her old beliefs with these “reframed” beliefs are more likely to create the results Nicole really wants. She can still choose to retain her previous beliefs if she wants. However, now she is doing so intentionally rather than unconsciously –– operating by her choice rather than her “internal software.” She gets to decide.
The patterns of thinking and behavior we exhibit in one part of our lives, such as goal setting, show up in other parts of our lives as with Nicole’s relationships. Looking behind the goals is just one way to reveal and take control of our personal internal system. The more we are aware, the more choice we have in creating the results we want.
Your goals are telling a story about you –– what are they saying?
Change, whether you love it or hate it, is always inevitable. Everyone knows that.
However, how you handle change makes all the difference between getting the results you want or going down in flames.
Martin’s Story: A Case in Point
A colleague named Martin decided he wanted to expand his influence and be seen as a thought leader in order to expand his business. He decided he needed to put his thoughts out there frequently with weekly blog entries, postings on LinkedIn and actively using Twitter more strategically.
Easy and straightforward, right? Not so much for Martin.
Even though he is really brilliant in his field, he wasn’t able to meet his own expectations of delivering these pieces according to the schedule he created. A results-driven achiever, he was stunned and frustrated that he could not crank out this work as easily as he accomplished other things.
Sometimes he would sit and stare at a blank screen without a clue of what he wanted to convey. Or, he would start writing and stall after a paragraph or two feeling as though the message was unclear and incoherent. He just could not incorporate this change into his way of working and he grew frustrated and discouraged.
Unknown to Martin, there were forces at work keeping him from delivering on his objective.
What was going on with Martin? Hidden inside him (and you and me) is an “operating system” of perceptions, beliefs, habits, expectations, and assumptions that drive the results you get. They operate in the background every hour of the day driving your choices, options, actions and goals.
They typically function faithfully as “silent partners” helping you make your way and create results as you move through the world. They work well for you most of the time. However, when you try to change, these partners can turn into stalwart antagonists that block you at every turn.
For Martin, in the back of his mind just out of view were two beliefs that worked against him. The first, “There is a lot at stake here… this has got to be perfect and well received” caused him to be so self-critical that as he tried to write he became stalled and unsure. The second, “My brother was always the better writer,” a belief long held since childhood, caused him to question whether he was capable of producing a volume of written content that would interest, stimulate and provoke the reader.
Martin expected that he should just be able to “sit down and write a piece at one sitting” and he held the assumption that “I know this material well, so the ideas will flow easily when I sit down to write.” In addition, his habit was that he would try to squeeze his writing in between conference calls and other daily tasks rather than set aside dedicated time to write.
None of these were conscious in his awareness, yet they combined to immobilize him and keep him from success. Until we talked them through and peeled back the layers, he was not clear on exactly what was holding him back. Only then could he deliberately change his thinking and behavior to produce his thought-leading material confidently and on schedule.
When you want to make a change, there are some secrets that will help you get what you want:
Secret #1: Change is an Inside Job
Expect that you need to step back and look behind the scenes at how you are operating, especially when things are not going as you had hoped.
Secret #2: Learn What You Don’t Know
We all have areas hidden from our conscious minds (which normally helps us function easily day-to-day). These can become blind spots that keep you from what you want. Expose them. It’s “what-you-don’t-know-that-you-don’t-know” that gets you.
Secret #3: Get Help from Others
Talk with another person you trust (a coach, a friend, an advisor, or a mentor) about your thinking and have them explore with you what you may not be seeing about the situation. Another set of eyes (and another brain) is needed to move you forward.
Secret #4: Challenge Your Thinking
We have long-held, familiar thoughts in the form of beliefs and assumptions. Actively re-evaluate and challenge these thoughts. They may have been true at some time in the past but are they true now in your present situation?
Secret #5: Change Your Behavior
When stalled, unproductive, or procrastinating, look for how you can change your behavior to shake you out of your present stuck place. Take a walk, vary the time and place you work, meditate, work out, or have a cup of tea. Changing your behavior shifts your mind.
Change is not really easy for anyone (despite what others may say). Knowing how to unlock the silent partners inside you makes all the difference.
What don’t you know that may be holding you back today?